Today, I have a special treat for you. Or a gag-worthy and unpleasant surprise, depending on your taste buds. As for my taste buds, they are decisive on this fact: mushrooms are gross.
I like to think of myself as an adventurous eater. I enjoy sushi, Indian food, Ethiopian food, and am always eager to try new things. One time, while in Ethiopia, I even ordered something called Doro Fanta, because I knew Doro meant chicken. Later, I found out that Fanta means “instead”. So, what I really ordered was “instead of chicken”. I still don’t know what kind of meat it really was, but it was tasty.
However, I draw the line at mushrooms. When Andrea, a fellow Scoop blogger at Serving Up Fort Collins, announced last night that she would be posting all about mushrooms, I threw up a little in my mouth. But, bloggers like to support one another. So in honor of Andrea’s mushroom themed day, I decided to share my own thoughts on the despised fungus. Believe it or not, I’ve actually written about my hatred before. Well over a year ago, I participated in an online creative writing exercise. This was the prompt I was given: Describe a food you abhor.
What follows was my response. I call it “Not an Ode” and I hope you enjoy it.
What is the opposite of an ode? Whatever it is, I’ve written one about my least favorite food:
Not an Ode
I detest you.
and you feel like a gritty booger in my mouth.
I despise you.
and you taste like wet dirt.
I abhor you.
You touch my other food
and taint it with your awfulness.
I hate you.
with your nature-loving, healthy-eating lifestyle crap.
Leave my pasta alone and set my pizza free.
Liberate my soups from your vile putridness.
Keep your fungal repugnance far away from my stir fry.
Get off my plate and out of my bowl.
Describe a food YOU abhor!
Do you sometimes suck it up and eat it anyway, just to be a good role model to your kids? I don’t…
For those of you who can actually stomach the slimy little boogers, check out Andrea’s post on mushrooms. She clearly appreciates them much more than I do!